Friday, December 5, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Waanna buy my bike?
Manly Bike for Sale
What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".
The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.
The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.
The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or anything.
I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:
Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear
I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.
Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey asshole, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".
Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)
What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying "FUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".
The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.
The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.
The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or anything.
I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:
Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear
I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.
Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and tells people you don't fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves "Hey asshole, touch this bike and I'll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".
Bike is for 150 OBO (and don't give me no panzy prices)
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
TPC
The Plastic Constellations are without a doubt the best rock band in the whole world.
It's the end of an era...
It's the end of an era...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
BLOG
My lifestyles crazy,I'm luxury lazy
So much gold that jewelry don't phase me
Coroless phone,eight or nine homes
Girlies on my Jammie with Ice-T Jones
Bank account boomin',fast lane zoomin'
Known around the world for my high post groomin'
Mac like a preacher,love like a teacher
Got a girl who lives in Paris
When I want her I beep her
Too many clothes,gotta rag top rolls
1.000 Watt system and my speakers are bose
I kick it like a champ,I throught you knew it
But pimpin' ain't easy
But somebody gotta do it
My thumbs are tired just from countin' cash
No more room in my diamond stash
Filin' my nails is such a tirin' task
Gold knobs on my benzo dash
Five freaks just to comb my hair
Monograms on my underwear
Bodyguards around so please don't dare
You're takin' a chance if you just stop and stare
Livin' my life is just so hard to do
Makin' deals a million one or two
Buyin' new cars for my entire crew
Matching Ferraris,E's black,mine's blue
Can't swin a lap in my pool because it's just too long
Could never go broke because my banks too strong
No matter what I do I simply can't go wrong
And I'll make money,I don't need this damn song
But somebody's gotta do it
When I walk in a joint,punks always look at me hard
Because I wear enough gold to tie a dog in a yard
Cold maxin' in my mansion so big it's silly
Got a butler named Humphry and a maid named Milly
Mink sheets on my bed,that's what I said
Gourmet chefs in my kitchem so that I can get fed
So tired of sailin' on my boat I might just Helicopter
To my jet and catch a midnight flight
So many girls in my book,it weighs a tom
Gotta leave the damn country just to have some fun
Private suite at the track to watch the ponies run
And there ain't nothin' in the word
That me an "E" ain't done
But somedody gotta do it
Monday, March 24, 2008
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